A unique take on a Family Tree

We all have our families. For better or for worse, they are who we are supposed to support and depend upon through thick and thin. One way to cope with family drama is to remember that although we can't choose our family members, we can choose our friends. It's a helpful thing to keep in mind when trying to accept what we can about the people who are supposed to love us and accept us unconditionally.

For those who aren't fortunate enough to have a loving and wonderful family and who have reached their limit with the piles of needless guilt and drama they provide, I offer another solution, or perspective, rather.

Trim the unhealthy branches from your family tree. That's right, trim those branches! Prune away at those connections which have served to do nothing more than tie you down, preventing you from becoming that happy, well-adjusted person you know you are. I'm not saying that this needs to be a permanent solution, in fact, I think you should always be open to reconnection - as long as it's a healthy connection. Healthy trees keep sprouting new twigs which eventually grow again into branches, afterall.

And no, I'm not trying to sound cynical either. I'm simply suggesting that it's okay to let go of unhealthy relationships. Taking time for yourself, time to heal, is paramount to maintaining your center as you walk through life.

Not all trees need to be like the willow, maple or oak, full with leaves, twigs and flowers to be beautiful. They can be clipped and molded by our will and intentions into a wonderful masterpiece, like the bonsai.

Aloha Living in the Island of the Goddess

After visiting Paradise on and off over the past 10 years, I had always felt like I was losing a part of myself each and every time I'd leave. It occurred to me after a terrible divorce, that I could return - and for as long as I wanted, even if that meant for ever.

About a year ago, I did just that. I didn't come by myself, however. I was fortunate enough to bring my best friend Morgon, with me.

And together, he and I faced many difficulties. We endured a rat-infested, bug-trap of an apartment (where I was afraid to walk around without the lights on), terrible landlords, mal-functioning vehicles, hurricane season - among other things, with the worst being the financial strain of a depressed economy. Good-paying jobs, we were told, would be scarce and difficult to obtain because we were outsiders. But like everything else we had overcome, that too, went by the wayside.

Since then, I experienced some traumatic health issues, which brought on a new set of worries. However, somewhere in the stress and anxiety, I realized that the person who stood by me through thick and thin from the beginning, was not just my best friend anymore, but somebody I knew I didn't want to live without.

We married in a small private ceremony with our bare feet in the sand under the setting sun. (click here for pics)

And for my bride's gift, he bought me everything I'd need to paint again. Even moved us to a new place with a garden we could plant together that overlooks the ocean. There I have set my easel up permanently and can pursue finishing my books.

We are happy. Like halcyon days, we live simple lives with little stress or expense. There is music and laughter and growth. We've met a lot of good people and made some great friends. We both have jobs we love and look forward to everyday.

When we sit in our garden together and reflect on how lucky we are, we can't help but feel blessed. We've come so far in so little time, starting from nothing and knowing no-one. We have a shared dream and look forward to walking into that future together.

I smile to myself as I remember all those years when I was visiting the island and hearing the Goddess whispering, beckoning for me to stay. I can't help now but reply in spite of myself "Here I am. Here WE are. And we are finally home."

For the Mothers in My Life

To my wonderful mother on Mother's Day:

Mothers are the place that we call home.
On them we rest our heads and close our eyes.
There's no one else who grants the same soft peace,
Happiness, contentment, sweet release,
Erasing nighttime tears with lullabies,
Restoring the bright sun that makes us bloom.

To my sisters on Mother's Day:

Thinking back over the years,
Often I remember how we were
More focused on ourselves when we were young.
Years and children sweep in like a tide,
Separating us from distant shores.
In truth, we're even closer than before,
Sustaining our childhood inside,
The memories to which we both belong
Enriched by what love teaches us to bear,

Resonant with what we rarely say.

Happy Mother's Day!

Things I've learned from T.V. Crime Shows:

Be smart enough not to leave any evidence if you're going to commit a crime. This means wearing gloves (latex or otherwise). Never speak so your voice cannot be recognized, and cover your face. If things get messy, scrubbing the site with bleach and then ammonia will destroy DNA in blood evidence.

Do not get involved with somebody who will flip on you during interrogation. If neither of you say anything, the cops have nothing. Chances are you'll both walk.    

Never invite the police into your home if they come knocking. If they want to ask you a few questions about what happened down the street, or your whereabouts for a particular time, they can talk to you on the front porch, otherwise they need a warrant to enter. DO NOT LET THEM IN if they ask. Regardless of their stated intent, if you allow them access they WILL snoop around. Remember, you have a right to your privacy.

If the police come knocking and want you to "step outside" or ask you to come outside to talk, DO NOT DO IT.  They can arrest you without a warrant outside of your home.

Never go down to the station unless the police are arresting you. Before saying ANYTHING pertaining to a crime, invoke your right to an attorney - regardless of your level of involvement. 

The cops will do anything to manipulate you.  They will  play "good cop/bad cop" or act nicey nicey. Whatever their method, DON"T BUY IT! Again, invoke your right to an attorney and let your lawyer handle it. Do not accept soda, water or anything while in the station that your prints/DNA could be lifted from. Do not submit to DNA testing or finger printing without a court order.

Keep in mind that cops rarely have an I.Q. over 120, so you are more than likely WAY smarter than they are. Just remember, invoke your right to an attorney who can protect your rights, be polite, keep your mouth shut and don't give them anything to go on.

Beware the Ides of March and Bring Sunscreen!

Yeah, that's right, bring sunscreen...and your aqua shoes! Prepare to walk along the shore about a mile to this secluded spot and plant yourself in the sand beside the palm trees.

In keeping with tradition, Morgon and I decided to cast the hazards of work aside and head to "A-Bay" (Anaeho'omalu) for some much needed Aloha.

The temperature was about 75 degrees, the water temp was comparable. There were enough trade winds to keep the waves gently undulating and you feeling cool.

We camped just off of the main trail where we discovered a hammock big enough for the two of us and nobody within 100 yards in any direction from where we were. Ahhh, just what you'd imagine in a Corona commercial. Except we brought Mike's Hard Lime, along with a couple of torrid romance paperbacks.

My personal zen is searching for seashells and I did manage to muster up the energy to find a few before packing it in and heading home.  

The Truth About Love

It’s not easy being in a relationship much less to truly accept the other person for who they are with all their flaws and baggage.  To truly love each other, you need to know the truth about each other – even if it’s not so easy to take.

The toughest thing for me is to decide to be with someone for good.  The idea that this is it, this is the person I want to spend the rest of my life with - to decide that I will make the effort to stay and not run off the minute that there is a problem is very difficult for me.

It always fascinates me how someone can go from loving you madly to nothing at all…nothing.  It hurts so much.  When I feel someone is going to leave me I have a tendency to break up first before I get to hear the whole thing.

So here it is…one more/one less…another wasted love story.  I really loved this one.

There’s a moment in life where you can’t recover from another break-up.

Then I think that it’s over, that I’ll never see this person like this. Well yes, we’ll run into each other and see their new boyfriend/girlfriend and act as if we had never been together.  Then we’ll slowly think of each other less and less until we forget each other completely.  Almost.

It’s always the same for me…break up, break down, drink up, fool around.  Meet one person, then another. Fuck around to forget about the one and only.  Then after a few months of total emptiness, start again to look for true love.  Desperately look everywhere and after a long period of loneliness, meet a new lover and swear it is the one until that one is gone as well.